grinandtonic.co.uk

"ISP in small furry animal cruelty"
http://www.nonewslikegoodnewstobeguaranteedtobemadeup.com

One of the UK's biggest ISPs today faced small furry animal charges as accusations of passing the buck onto hamsters once again raged the halls of the yet nameless ISP. Users of the ISP became alarmed initially when sounds of squeaks were heard as modems tried to connect to the service.

One user of the ISP who doesn't want to be named said "It was scary, all this squeaking coming out of the modem." Another 200 users also heard the noises and went straight to ring the RSPCH.
A spokesman for the Rotherham society for prevention of cruelty to Hamsters told us that this sort of abuse is common. "Its believed that 1 in 3 of the UK's ISPs use hamsters as part of the internet network." He went on to explain that part of the delay with broadband is due to declining numbers of ISP hamsters.

Profession Scuttle of Medlock University, department of Hamster Genetics told us that "hamsters don't breed as well as they used to. modern changes in the way they live - including electrical surges from working in ISPs renders the hamsters impotent" Current scientific thinking is attempting to find work rounds to this problem.
One solution has been to try and genetically modify hamsters to include rat genes, as rats are naturally more resistant to electrical charges.

No spokesman from any UK ISPs was available for comment (Mainly cos they weren't asked).

Hamsters in Uproar over Restrictions

http://www.hamsterweeklygazette.com

30/8/02

Hamsters today rallied round in support of fallen comrades, and those still ensalved in backward ISPs who refuse to update to more modern communications methods such as Rats, Gerbils and guinea pigs.

"We're the most exploited rodent in the UK" said Hamster Spokeshamster George, who lives in an attractive 3 room cage with ensuite wheel on the outskirts of Wimbledon.
George, married with 20 babies, claims that UK ISPs are the worst in the world when it comes to moving onto newer rodents for telecommunications work.

A jumble sale is planned next weekend to raise money for Hamster Awareness Week which is planned for November. The event will take place along side a previously planned "Bring a sunflower seed and buy" event planned in support of those hamsters who have died in the service of UK internet users.

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